Believe In Nothing

Fear is the hand that pulls your strings

Stop acting like I badger you and tell the truth.

Listen to this song and think clearly. . .

Smooth Sailing by Queens of the Stone Age

It's all in motion, Ain't no stopping it now
I got nothing to lose & only one way, up
I'm burning bridges, I destroy the mirage
All visions of collisions
Fuckin' Bon Voyage

It's all Smooth Sailing from here on out

I got: Bruises & hickeys, stitches & scars
Got my own theme music plays wherever I are
Fear is the hand that pulls your strings
You're a useless toy, pitiful plaything
I'm in flagrante, in every way, every day

It's all smooth sailing from here on out
I'm gonna do the damage till the damage is done

God only knows one long vacation
If reason is priceless, there's no reason to pay
For it
It's so easy to see, yet so hard to find
Make a Mountain of a Molehill, if the Molehill is
Mine

I Hypnotize you, ignore, then defy you
I Blow my Load over the Status Quo...Oh... Here we go
I'm a little bit nonchalant when I dance
I Risk it always, no second chance, that's why
It's gotta be

It's all Smooth Sailing from here on out
I'm gonna do the damage til the damage is done

God only knows, so mind your behavior
Follow prescriptions of your loaded Saviour
Every temple is gold, like every hook needs to
Shine

Hell is the temple of the closed mind

x

My second song to you

Everyone it seems
Has somewhere to go
And the faster the world spins
The shorter the lights will glow

And I'm swimming in the night
Chasing down the moon
The deeper in the water
The more I long for you

Most of what you see my dear
Is purely for show
Because
Not everything that goes around
Comes back around, you know

Holding on too long is just
A fear of letting go
Because
Not everything that goes around
Comes back around, you know       

                                                                       One thing that is clear

It's all down hill
From here

The love line in your hand
Cleverly disguised
All the promises of stone
Crumble in the night

Most of what you see my dear
Is worth letting go
Because
Not everything that goes around
           Comes back around, you know

Holding on too long is just
A fear of what's to show
Because
Not everything that goes around
Comes back around, you know
Not everything that goes around
Comes back around, you know

One thing that is clear
It's all down hill
From here

A song for you..

                                      "The Vampyre Of Time And Memory"

I want to God to come and take me home
'Cause I'm all alone in this crowd
Who are you to me?
Who am I supposed to be?
Not exactly sure anymore
Where's this going to?
Can I follow through?
Or just follow you
For a while?

Does anyone ever get this right?
I feel no love

Ain't no confusion here, it is as I feared
The illusion that you feel is real
To be vulnerable is needed most of all
If you intend to truly fall apart

You think the worst of all is far behind
The Vampyre of time and memories has died
I survived.
I speak, I breathe, 
I'm incomplete
I'm alive - hooray!
You're wrong again
'Cause I feel no love

Does anyone ever get this right?

Does anyone ever get this right?
I feel no love
I feel no love

Lesson 10 - Foolish Alienation

IV) Alienation of the worker from other workers. 

Here's a great example of alienation that I find crosses my mind quite frequently:

Sometimes it honestly makes me sick and unnerved with desperate hope to ever, in my life, see enough money to rectify my debt of around $30,000. That would be such a large sun of money and it should be treated the same amongst those of a higher disposition who wish to connect to humanity as an entity rather than separate groups. Why does anyone need a 14 million dollar house? Ever? Nothing you surround yourself with will ever soothe the stinging in your heart because you allow it to continue to fester inside. I'm disappointed to have believed in the possibility of overcoming the divorce between societal classes but I know better, foolish me.

Fools, we all try to elude the reality that will hunt us down and catch you with its teeth at the ankle.
I know the realism principle to love and I know you can't possibly feel that connection with an illusion. I, thankfully, am no fool in this regard. I am a fool in the capability of change in humanity. 

Lesson 9 - The Fundamental Flaw of Elusion

Lesson 8 - Paradoxical Reasoning: A Beginner's Guide

This lesson begins with and ends with a paradox. When we exist in humanity, we exist without reason. Yet it is in life, that we are determined to find and place meaning on our existence. Ironically, whatever reason or purpose we may find to continue on is only a deluded portion of our own mentality and no one else's.

Lesson 7 - A "Leap of Faith" Into Darkness

Philosophically speaking, we must take a "leap of faith" to either succumb to the numbing attributes of desperation or fight it both subconsciously and consciously.

Lesson 6 - The Theory of Alienation

According to Marxist theory, our everlasting discontent with one's own social status is rooted in the idea of estrangement from humanity in its rawest essence. 

Entfremdung is Marx’s theory of alienation, which describes the separation of things that naturally belong together; and the placement of antagonism between things that are properly in harmony.

The four types of Entfremdung are:

(I) Alienation of the worker from the work — from the product of his labor. 

ll) Alienation of the worker from working — from the act of producing. 

III) Alienation of the worker from himself, as a producer — from his Gattungswesen (species-essence). 

IV) Alienation of the worker from other workers. 

Theoretically, Entfremdung describes the social alienation of people from aspects of their human nature as a consequence of living in a society stratified into societal classes. 

Alienation (Entfremdung) is the systemic result of living in a socially divided society, because being a mechanistic part of a social class estranges a person from their humanity.

The conjectural basis of alienation within the capitalist (German Ideology) mode of production, is that the worker invariably loses the ability to:

-determine his or her life and destiny, when deprived of the right to think of oneself as the director of her actions; 

-to determine the character of said actions; 

-to define her relationship with other people; 

-and to own the things and use the value of the goods and services, produced with her labor. 

Although the worker is an autonomous, self-realized human being, as an economic entity, she is directed to goals and subsequently diverted to activities that are dictated by the bourgeoisie. 

The bourgeois are those who own the means of production, driven by the demand, to extract from the worker the maximal amount of surplus value during the course of business competition among industrialists.

Marxist theoretics allow for an individual to identify with humanity through a political choice of acceptance. Societal classes exist and always have, because this is a distinguishing characteristic of humanity in its simplest form. One can mix Marxist ideologies with existentialist properties to further their own worth, as defined in comparison, to all other entities dominating the social world. 

Preface

Lesson 5 - Meaningless, pepsi flavored mind games

I could care less about accomplishing some pointless goal of capturing a companion in which I'd be obligated to mold to complement my quirky and meaningless existence. Although I can't help but feel the most primal desire and lust for ones that can empathize with my perspective and even more identify with it. It isn't you, a single person, in which my cravings lie, but in the beast you represent with your crass but curious intellect, always seeking yet thirst never quenched. Do not get conceited, Monsieur Mersault, for it is just as acceptable for life to continue on wearily, paths drifting further apart with each crashing tide along the jagged rocks. Now I'm flying high in the sky, my tongue is numb yet stinging with the lingering taste of pepsi. It's that bittersweet taste that runs down the back of your throat as a pleasant reminder of your fleeting moment of impenetrable euphoria. Oh and the stardust in the horizon is so so sweet like sugar and smooth in its consumption. Live on in this night like this moment will shortly be uselessly in the past. 

Lesson 4 - Mannerisms of a Marxist

Marxism is a method of socio-economic inquiry based upon a materialist interpretation of historical development; a diabolical  view of social change; an analysis of class relations and their conflicted place within society. 

Marxism is the outlook on a society that is governed by inherent hierarchies and class systems that, when applied to Kierkegaard's philosophy of existentialism, offer up a surrealist perspective on the meaning of life and how that meaning is defined by our human interactions with the surrounding environment. 

Marxist methodology informs an economic and sociopolitical worldview based on their application to the analysis and critique of the development of capitalism and the role of class struggle in systemic economic change. The main intellectual tenets of Marxism were inspired by two German philosophers: Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. 

First off, there are a few things to keep in mind when discussing Marxism. 

1) There is no one definitive Marxist theory; Marxist analysis has been applied to a variety of different subjects and has been misconceived and modified during the course of its development, resulting in multiple and sometimes 

Existential nihilism is the philosophical theory that life has no intrinsic meaning or value. With respect to the universe, existential nihilism posits that a single human or even the entire human species is insignificant, without purpose and unlikely to change in the totality of existence.
 According to the theory, each individual is an isolated being "thrown" into the universe, barred from knowing "why", yet compelled to invent meaning. The inherent meaninglessness of life is largely explored in the philosophical school of existentialism, where one can potentially create his or her own subjective "meaning" or "purpose". Of all types of nihilism, existential nihilism gets the most literary and philosophical attention. The idea that meaning and values are without foundation is a form of nihilism, and the existential response to that idea is noting that meaning is not "a matter of contemplative theory", but instead, "a consequence of engagement and commitment".

Jean-Paul Sartre, the author of Being and Nothingness, wrote in his essay Existentialism and Humanism, "What do we mean by saying that existence precedes essence?

Philosophical notions most often represent nihilistic existentialism although

Nihilism (from the Latin word, nihil, nothing) is the philosophical doctrine  suggesting the negation of one or more putatively meaningful aspects of life.

Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism, which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.

Moral nihilists assert that morality does not inherently exist, and that any established moral values are abstractly contrived. Nihilism can also take epistemological or onto logical/metaphysical forms, meaning respectively that, in some aspect, knowledge is not possible, or that reality does not actually exist. 

The term was popularized by Ivan Turgenev in his novel Fathers and Sons, whose hero, Bazarov, was a nihilist. 

It is here I stop and ask you to ponder...are you actually reading this or is it a figment of humanistic delusion to which we respectively avoid its possibility?

Lesson 3 - How Money is an Abstraction

Money gives the illusion that it has a direct relationship to the work that is done. That is, the work one does is worth so much, equals so much money. In reality, however, the work one does is an expression of who one is as a person; it expresses one's goals in life and associated meaning. 

Humanity has lost meaning because the accepted criterion of reality and truth is ambiguous and subjective thought—that which cannot be proven with logic, historical research, or scientific analysis. Humans cannot think out choices in life, we must live them; and even those choices that we often think about become different once life itself enters into the picture. For Kierkegaard, the father of existentialism, the type of objectivity that a scientist or historian might use misses the point—humans are not motivated and do not find meaning in life through pure objectivity. Instead, they find it through passion, desire, and moral and religious commitment. These phenomena are not objectively provable—nor do they come about through any form of analysis of the external world; they come about through inward reflection, a way of looking at one’s life that evades objective scrutiny.

Alienation is a term philosophers apply to a wide variety of phenomena, including any feeling of separation from, and discontent with, society; feeling that there is a moral breakdown in society; feelings of powerlessness in the face of the solidity of social institutions; the impersonal, dehumanised nature of large-scale and bureaucratic social organizations. 

Abstraction deals with possibility and actuality, but its conception of actuality is a false rendition, since the medium is not actuality but possibility. Only by annulling actuality can abstraction grasp it, but to annul it is precisely to change it into possibility. Within abstraction everything that is said about actuality in the language of abstraction is said within possibility. That is, in the language of actuality all abstraction is related to actuality as a possibility, not to an actuality within abstraction and possibility.

Death and all his friends will confront you. You cannot escape the fate in which humanity is inevitably condemned to. 

Lesson 2 - The Disappearing Act

So I'm going to take my father up on his offer and move to Chicago pretty soon. I guess it will be a fresh start and I've never been around my polish family that much. I will stay with my with my uncle Majcei and his wife since my father will be gone 6 out of 7 days a week. Perhaps they will teach me to speak Polish or Russian if I ask. I know they are fluent in both.   I don't exactly feel placated by the idea of taking a risk like this but it's a chance to use my degree and I can't stay here in this hellhole much longer without completely loosing my mother fucking marbles. Pardon my potty mouth, this place is sucking the life out of me. I'm done with this city and this streak of bad, no awful, luck that has become an expected daily occurrence. 

At least there I will be in the city, near the train, and not stuck in some shitty Atlanta suburb without a car or a shot in hell of ever making something happen. I guess it's time to get to know my Bisinski side better and make a drastic life change. 

Lesson 1 - How to Disappear Completely

I can't help but wonder if I should just throw in the towel and hand a white flag above my door to surrender the fight. Each day becomes harder than the last; more complicated, less hopeful. I used to live for me but now it's like I'm just stuck living for the day it all ends. The day will come and I will welcome it with open arms no matter what that end means for my existence. 

It's hard to be broken completely with not a person around who is concerned about the implications of a shattered soul. I feel more alone than ever before and I'm losing this battle to make amends. 

People don't give anything these days, they just take. And I'm the person who has nothing left to offer up to the vultures circling atop my house of cards. When death and all his friends come knocking I won't have a thing left in which to barter for my continuance. Should I just prepare for disappearing completely?